Guilt and Innocence
by Vee017
Summary: Sirius Black's thoughts, feelings, and account of things from 1981 to 2001


Guilt and Innocence  
  
I was his best friend  
We knew each other since we were little  
Always together, like brothers.  
And it's because of that friendship that my guilt overwhelms me  
We went to Hogwarts together, both Gryffindors.  
We found some great friends, and among others, found enemies  
Will you ever forgive me, James?  
For what I did to you?  
I was best man at his and Lily's wedding, seemed like the good times would never end.  
I was wrong.  
Harry was born, and I was named his Godfather.  
Then Voldemort came after them.  
James named me secret keeper for the Fidelius charm.  
That's when I made the mistake that would change my life forever.  
I told them to use Peter as secret keeper.  
That sentence put me through hell.  
On Oct. 31st, 1981  
I went to see Peter, to make sure he was alright  
He was gone, and there was no sign of a struggle  
That's when I knew something was wrong...  
I rushed to Godric's Hollow and what I saw threw me into despair.  
The Dark Mark  
High above James's house  
Fire raged through it and it was all coming down.  
I rushed down from where I was  
I heard screaming, and my thoughts turned to Harry.  
I saw a figure coming out of the ruins  
It was Hagrid; he had gotten Harry out of the crumbling house  
I ran over, he told me not to get close, but it was too late  
James and Lily's bodies were lying there, motionless  
And then it hit me  
Peter.  
He sold them to Voldemort  
When I asked Hagrid for Harry, he told me he was to go to his Aunt and Uncle  
I was a wreck  
Nobody knew about the switch  
Nobody, except James, Peter, and myself  
Not even Dumbledore knew  
I had nothing to lose  
I told Hagrid to take my bike  
Then went after Pettigrew myself  
I cornered him  
But I should have known  
Squib or no squib  
That traitorous son of a bitch was a Death Eater  
He knew a lot of dark magic  
Before I could do anything  
He had knew that I'd come after him  
His wand was ready and he shouted for the street to hear  
That I'd murdered James and Lily Potter  
He blew up the street, killing 13 muggles, and disappearing down the sewer  
I just stood there  
I heard Aurors and ministry officials apparating to the scene  
They led me away, and I went peacefully  
Laughing my head off to make a good impression  
Barty Crouch  
Anybody accused of being a Death Eater, was automatically guilty in his eye  
I was sentenced  
Life inprisonment, Azkaban, no trial  
Besides who would believe me if I told them what really happened?  
They'd think I went off my rocker  
The only thing that kept me sane, was the fact that I was innocent  
Innocent for the muggles  
Guilty for James...  
12 years went by...  
I found out Peter was alive, and at Hogwarts with Harry  
It was then that I started planning my legendary escape  
If Peter found out that Voldemort was getting stronger  
He'd be in the perfect position to hand over the last of the Potter's  
I let James down once, and I wouldn't do it again  
No one goes after my Godson and gets away with it!  
Damn you, Peter!  
When the cell was opened I transformed myself and slipped through the bars  
I swam away from Azkaban, though very weak  
The only thought that kept me going was Harry  
I had to get to Harry  
I lived off of rats, when I reached the mainland  
It wasn't hard  
I just thought of them as Wormtail  
I finally reached Hogwarts  
Castle hadn't changed much  
There was a ginger cat that I became friends with after a while  
Crookshanks was his name, smartest animal in the world  
He knew Peter wasn't what he was, and agreed to help me  
Everytime Crookshanks tried, Wormtail's owner got in the way  
Then I found out Peter had faked his death once more  
It worked once, so why not again?  
There's a saying that goes 'the past always catches up to you'  
And too bad for Peter...  
Harry and his friend found him at Hagrid's  
They tried to get him back to the castle, but he knew I was there  
Harry and the others were under James's old cloak  
Peter got loose and made a run for it  
The redhead caught him   
And I pounced  
I grabbed the kid and drug him to the shrieking shack  
Harry and that girl followed us up  
How much he looked like James!  
After much confrontations  
I saw Remus again...  
Turns out he saw Peter's name on the Marauder's Map  
Good old Moony, he was always a quick one  
Harry and the other's though Remus and I were nuts  
I can't blame them really  
A convicted murderer and a werewolf?  
I wouldn't believe us either  
Snape showed up and nearly ruined everything  
Harry and his friends knocked him out  
James would have been so proud at that moment...  
We finally got Pettigrew and turned the bastard back to his human form  
The kids were shocked  
The redhead looked like he might be sick  
Peter acted like I knew he would  
Coward  
Told us he had no choice, that Voldemort would have killed him if he didn't talk  
Remus and I would have DIED for James and Lily!  
We decided to kill him  
Harry stopped us  
Just like James would have  
So we tied him up and started for the castle  
Bad Luck  
It was a full moon  
Remus started to change  
I transformed into a dog to stop him from going after the close human prey  
Harry yelled that Pettigrew got away  
The werewolf ran into the trees  
I lost Peter  
What happened next was chilling  
Dementors  
Hundreds of them  
I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe  
I heard noise in the distance, it was Harry I knew it  
Everything was so cloudy that moment  
And the last thing I remember, before going out, was something silver...  
When I woke up, I was in a classroom  
Dumbldore was there  
I told him everything  
About the Marauder's  
Becoming Animagi  
The secret-keeper switch  
Peter  
Everything  
He believed me  
Thank the heavenly bodies above, he believed me!  
Then I found out that Fudge was there  
and Snape had obviously talked to him  
I was going to die, for something I didn't do  
it might've dulled the pain over James's death  
but there was still Harry to protect  
And I had no way to escape  
Dumbledore left after hearing my story  
I began to pace  
thinking of my upcoming fate  
I don't know how long I stood, but I heard something...  
Someone had tapped the window  
I turned to the window  
It was Harry!  
I ran to the window but it was locked  
The girl behind him unlocked it  
he basically told me to shut up and get on...just like James  
we went up to the astronomy tower, and they dismounted  
he told me to take the hippogriff, and fly outta there  
with last words and a farewell, I left  
Harry is truly, his father's son  
Two months later, Harry's owl found me  
His scar's hurting  
I write that I'm coming back to Britain, I know he'll be worried but Dumbledore and his friends are the only one's that know that I'm an animagus  
Before coming I wrote to Dumbledore informing him of my arrival  
During the journey, I stopped to see Moony  
He was be surprised, but I knew I could trust him to house an escaped convict  
Remus cut my hair a bit before I left  
It was hard to leave...  
The last of the Marauder's together again after all those years  
What happened to the old days?  
Buckbeak and I headed west to Hogwarts  
When I got there, Dumbledore suggested I stay in a cave just North of Hogsmeade  
I knew about the Triwizard Tournament and that someone had entered Harry...  
I stole papers and scraps of food in my dog form  
During one evening I snuck into an old wizarding home to use the fire, to contact Harry  
I told him earlier to go to the common room and wait  
I told him a few things before I was rushed off  
Months went by, and I decided that I needed to see Harry  
I sent him a note, telling him to meet me past Dervish and Bangs  
With lots of food  
He came with his friends, Hermione and Ron  
We talked about the tournament and Crouch's strange behaviour  
They found out that Crouch had sentenced me to life in Azkaban without trial  
They were shocked, of course they would be  
Harry brought me a good meal though  
Mmmm...chicken...  
Then they were off   
I told them if they were talking about me, to call me Snuffles...don't ask  
June came around  
The third task...  
That's when things went wrong...  
Crouch's supposedly dead son, had been acting as Mad-Eye Moody all year  
Voldemort's supporter, right near Harry, all year long...  
He turned the cup into a port key  
Harry tied with another student  
Acting how James would and valuing fair play  
Harry and the boy took the cup together  
They were transported  
The boy was killed  
And Harry witnessed Voldemort's rebirth  
I heard the story in Dumbledore's office, when Harry had escaped, yet again...  
Peter was there...he had done this to Harry  
That fucking son of a bitch had brought back that monster  
Only after Remus and I had drove him out of hiding...he had no one else to turn to  
How could he have done this to us?  
How?  
I'll tell you how  
The little bastard was always scared, almost a squib, no talent, dependant on others, and always attracted to people who could give him power  
And instead of acting like a man and standing up to Voldemort for James and Lily  
What did he do?  
Joined Voldemort, that's what  
Became a Death Eater  
Betrayed the people who befriended him   
And ok sure maybe he did have a hard life  
But who didn't?  
Remus was a werewolf and didn't have anyone but us  
Did he betray Lily and James?  
No  
But did I betray James?  
Peter was always weak and eventually paid for what he did  
It's hard to believe that was seven years ago...  
  
  
  
July 31st, 2001  
It's been two decades now since James and Lily died...  
Harry's turning twenty-one today  
Voldemort was finally put to rest four years ago  
His tauntings had pushed Harry off the edge  
And he sent him to Hell with a rage that he kept locked up for so long...  
Days are peaceful again  
I'm a free man  
As you can guess, I took the Ministry to court and sued their asses off  
The jury agreed with me  
An innocent man sent to Azkaban for something he didn't do and without trial deserved all the money I sued for...and then some.  
Harry beats me upside the head ever time I blame myself for his parent's deaths  
It'll be different without him  
He's moving in with his future wife in a few months, and their getting married next June  
But you know James...you were the best friend I'd ever had, and you always will be.  
I'll watch out for Harry in your place, he's so much like you, Jimmy  
I wish I was there for you, though  
We'd be sitting here, talking about old days, what we did to Snape, and laughing about it.  
It's only me and Remus now.   
The last of the Marauder's  
I'll be giving that map to your grandkids, old boy (After I swipe it from your son though)  
If I asked you for a sign, it'd be a kick in the ass, wouldn't it?  
Twenty years ago, I made a judgement call that sent my life reeling  
I feel like I can start forgiving myself now  
And I think I finally know the difference between guilt and innocence.  
Sirius Black  
July 31st, 2001  
Crystal Lake, England  
  
  
A/N: My longest fic ever! Six pages I'm in awe. You see this is what happens in my spare time at school and I just let go and write. Please r/r, no one ever reads my serious stories just my twisted humour ones. What did you think? That was Sirius's account of events for 20 years! And as far as I know Crystal Lake was entirely made up by me and doesn't exist in England if it does I didn't check the Atlas.  
  
Disclaimer: I no own HP char. Belong 2 JKR  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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